the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
