do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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