Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
