the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
