Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
