Kiss
Puke
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
