pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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