Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
