The maid of honor just puked.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
