Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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