I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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