Little spoons don't ask big questions
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
