Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
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dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
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On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Randomize