who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
