i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
