I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
