I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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