I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
