It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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