I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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