words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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