Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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