there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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