when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
