i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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