Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
