he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
