Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
