so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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