part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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