My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
