I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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