You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She made me pour olive oil on her.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
