A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just crazy horny about you
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
