She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
