we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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