he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's shark week go big or go home
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize