I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
