I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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