the condom got lost in my hair
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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