I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
