Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
