I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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