I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
