I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
