Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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