She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
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I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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