I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
