I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
two words: eviction party
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
