you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
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I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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