we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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