One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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