i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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