SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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