for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
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i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
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You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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