I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
