So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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