I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
