Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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