just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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