I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I deserve this hangover.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
