So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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