I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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