So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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