he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
