I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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