so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
