I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
