Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Sober January is a disaster.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
