One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
