Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize